Have you ever heard the phrase, “you are so wishy washy”? No? Just me? Okay. Well now you have.
This is how I’ve felt the past couple months. And I KNOW it probably looks like it too. I’ve been all over the place. I can’t decide what way is up half the time.
Here is what I do know – I am just trying to take care of me with my ever changing life.
Here is what life is like right now: I work odd hours (sometimes early morning, sometimes evening, sometimes both, and sometimes on Sundays), we are still one of the one in eight couples living with unexplained in fertility, I am trying to study for and obtain multiple certifications for my career, I found a career that I’ve been searching for for years, we are still happily married, I still workout and strive to lead a healthy life, and I am still a Beachbody Coach. Oh and we are still attending Mountain View Christian Assembly and we try to spend time with friends around my crazy schedule.
I feel wishy washy.
I have come to a conclusion – I can’t do it all and feel sane at the same time. I hit a point that I had to step back from as much as possible to regain a sense of self. As I’m gaining that sense of self again, I’m prioritizing what is important. I don’t feel like going into a list of what ranks where, but I will tell you that I’m adding the most important things back in, or they never were part of the release while I stepped back.
Two key points I do want to touch on: Beachbody and our infertility journey.
Yes, I am still a Beachbody Coach. No, I haven’t posted as much about it. I am working at figuring how this fits into my current life. Life changes and we must change with it. When I started Beachbody, I hated my job and then went through a few job changes over a couple years. Beachbody got me through that as well as connecting me with someone who helped me with my Endometriosis, helping me accept personal development and that I really needed it, finding my voice that I had buried so deeply, and finding my avenue for health and fitness in my life. I will forever be grateful and have absolutely no intentions of quitting. Maybe just realigning with my life. As of writing this, I still drink Shakeology every day, usually for breakfast, and I have started CORE DE FORCE over again. I am still helping those who come to me for advice, I’m just not hosting groups at this time.
That brings me to my infertility journey. Did you know that one in eight couples will encounter infertility? Well, you do now and we are one of them. We were diagnosed with unexplained infertility. That’s great! Um, no. Maybe?! Crap, I don’t know. Those are just some of the emotions that come with such a vague diagnosis. There is absolutely no reason why we shouldn’t have conceived already. No explanation. So we are trudging along through this. There is no guidebook. There are no definitive instructions. There is no definitive answer. We are coming to the point that we might start considering medical assistance. With this being such a personal endeavor, we are going to keep it that way until we are ready to share. I will share things here, but I’m not envisioning going into daily detail as we are doing anything. It will probably come after we have had time to process and accept.
This is a crazy life that we are living. God has plans for each and every one of us and we don’t know what those plans entail. I am slowly learning to take each day as it comes. This learning process is super difficult for me and can easily cause me to shut down on the exterior. I am in a growing period of my life and it isn’t easy. I hope to share more of the growing with you as I’m doing it. This will be my main communication point for all things of my life that will be shared publicly. I’m happy to converse with you, just reach out.
Change can be hard and scary, but it is a natural and necessary part of life. Trust that it is for your best life and best self. – Your Joyologist